I need help removing her.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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