I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
