whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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