I hate all girls vehemently.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
