If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
