All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
