I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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