is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
