Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
