I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
