im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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