I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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