i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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