Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There are leaves in my underwear?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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