I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
