I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
