We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
