You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
