I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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