you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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