dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
