I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
