I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
