When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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