so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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