He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
