im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
