I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
