Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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