Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I want is dick and wine.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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