The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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