Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize