Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
