My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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