He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
