I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
