Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
