I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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