Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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