So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
