so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
either way he was missing a nipple.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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