Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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