Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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