remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
