if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
