I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
