Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
