so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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