in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
