Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
