what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
