It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
