i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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