I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
