mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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