Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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