Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
