She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
