Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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