...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize