OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
