3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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