so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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