i love accidental penises.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The ass gains better be worth it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
