since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize