oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
