worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize