I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
