i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
