I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
