Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
