6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
