I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
