i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
