Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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